like a cyst that won’t pop
til u slice the top
i squeezed for weeks
nothing came

and now
hearing about nora
it burst
flowing over my everything

sadness i hold at bay
fears i pretend r not
love that runs deep
piercing me

my eyes r dead
i can see it in the way others see me
concern worry
i look sad – tired

depression is knocking
familiar thuds
thunder through
storm front warnings

we met in the Apthorp
the Dakota’s sister building
classic new york
just like Nora

the front room was all bookshelves
i waited on an antique bench
taking in which books
she felt worthy of keeping at hand

as i had
each one of hers
i was 21 when i read heartburn
and fell in love with her

she called me in the kitchen
black and white tiny checked floor tiles
she sat – folded her hands and smiled at me
we talked

it was 1992 – i was 30
League had been shot but not released
i was mostly a stand up comic
former VJ

i read the script
she laughed
she went into her office and handed me a new scene
she and delia had just finished writing

i did that one
she laughed again
sat back
folded her hands and smiled at me

out on the street i called my agent
i got the job – i said
no he said that was only a first audition
no – i said – i got the job

i did – and so much more
she took me inside her life
taught me so much
welcomed me

she knew about love
nora did

last night
back in her apartment
full of broken hearts
we remembered her

her brains
her beauty
her brilliance
her bravery

it feels impossible
that she is not around
unforgivable
absurd

and what now
we will gather on the 9th
and celebrate all
nora is

now
still
always
eternal