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SO IT WAS 1996 I ASSUME
MY FIRST YEAR ON TV
AS A DAYTIME TALK SHOW HOST
A GIRL MERV

I WAS HONORED –
SO OFTEN IT WAS TAXING
I HAD PARKER
MORE BABIES WERE ON THE WAY

I LONGED TO BE HOME
AND SHUT OUT THE MAKE UP
THE SPOTLIGHT
THE NOISE

THIS WAS A WOMENS EVENT
NORA WAS THERE –
I CAUGHT HER EYE
WAITED FOR HER LAUGH ALONE

I MADE A JOKE
ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE
THE SOUND SYSTEM WAS
HOW WE NEEDED TO FIX IT

EMBARRASSING
AS WOMEN IN TV
2 HAVE NO AUDIO
WHATSOEVER

————————

SO JOYS HOMOPHOBIC BLOGS
MENTIONED ME
ON OCCASSION
IN CRUEL WAYS

SOME ASSUMED
GUESSED – SURMISED
IT WAS ANTI GAY
HER SAYING “NO ONE LOVES ROSIE”

AND OTHER CRAP
FAT COMMENTS TOO
FEW CAN RESIST
OINK OINK

===============

I AM NEW TO JOY REID
ABOUT 6 MONTHS AGO
I STARTED WATCHING AM JOY
AFTER SEEING HER SUB FOR MADDOW

I DIDNT KNOW MUCH ABOUT HER
SHE WAS SMART
AND QUICK AND FAIR AND FEMALE
A SISTERFRIEND I WAS SURE

IN MY MIND I AM PALS WITH RACHEL
WE DOUBLE DATE
IN MY MIND
SPEND TIME AN THE CAPE HANGING OUT

NEVER MET EITHER ONE
RACHEL OR JOY
BUT I FEEL LIKE
I KNOW THEM

==========================

SOMEHOW KATHY GRIFFIN
KNOWS JOY REID
HOW
I AM NOT SURE

SHE TEXTS ME
CALL HER
SHE IS COOL
SHE IS SORRY

WE TALK
SHE TELLS ME
WE MET ONCE
IN 1996

SHE WAS AN INTERN
I WAS GETTING AN AWARD
WITH NORA DEAD CENTER
SMILING

I SHOWED UP WITH MY PUBLICIST LOIS SMITH
JOY WAS ASSIGNED TO ME
AND APPARENTLY
I WAS HORRIBLE TO HER

I AM TAKEN ABACK
RIGHT AWAY
WHEN SHE SAYS THIS
AS SHE IS A BLACK YOUNG WOMAN

ITS NOT IN MY DNA
I OVER COMPENSATE
I SEE THE STRUGGLE
I CONNECT

SHE LEFT OUT DETAILS
BUT I HURT HER
HEART AND SOUL
AND SHE HELD A GRUDGE TIL 2011?

SO SHE SAYS
AND I THINK OK
GOOD – IT WASNT HOMOPHOBIA
NOT ANTI GAY

JUST ANTI ME
PERSONAL AND SPECIFIC
I DID HER WRONG
SHE REACTED WITH UNKIND POSTS

5 YEARS LATER
SHE WAS STILL RECOVERING
FROM THE DAMAGE I INFLICTED
ME – COMPLETELY UNAWARE

I APOLOGIZE
CAUSE WHATEVER SHE SAW
THOUGHT FELT ASSUMED
– SHE WAS WOUNDED BY IT

WE STUMBLE THROUGH
A QUIET CONVERSATION
I WONDER HOW SHE GOT FROM THOSE BLOGS
TO HERE AND NOW

FIERCE SMART UNFLAPPABLE
REPRESENTING
MADDOW BUD
“CANT GET THERE FROM HERE”

PEPPERIDGE FARM REMEMBERS
SO DOES THE WEB
HIT SEND
AND ITS YOURS FOREVER

A TATTOO OF U
IN PIXELS
NO DO OVER
NO OOOPS

IF U FUCK UP
FESS UP

DO ONE INTERVIEW
MADDOW MAYBE
LIVE – LAY IT ALL OUT
TURN EVERY STONE

THEN COME WHAT MAY
I BELIEVE SHE WILL STAY
AND CONTINUE TO OWN ALL SHE IS
A WARRIOR FOR DEMOCRACY

I WILL FOREVER WONDER
WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE
TO HURT HER SO
I AM TRULY SORRY

I wake with the sun
And walk amidst everything
she has rinsed in rose gold

I smile as the grass bends to wave hello
The wind pirouettes
And graciously sends
A soulful breeze
Through emerald trees
Whose clapping leaves
With smooth edges
And perfect pleats
make it so
I am touched by the trees

Yet it is the yellowness of the flowers
that makes my heart take a knee

When I witness daffodils rejoicing
with their stems stretching
Whose perfectly petalled faces
Are upturned in praise
Beneath a buttery sun
The best preacher there ever was.

My hearts’ hymn is Hallelujah
My soul is in full bloom
As my body flowers into the Spring of its life

For I feel
And I see
And I know
I am as rich as I will ever need to be

For how generous are the daffodils
in their fields of charity

Glittering like gems
Gleaming like gold
Giving all their riches away for free.

I have been an FBI Special Agent for over 21 years. I spent half of that time investigating Russian Organized Crime as a street agent and Supervisor in New York City. I have spent the second half of my career focusing on national security issues and protecting this country from terrorism. I served in some of the most challenging, demanding investigative and leadership roles in the FBI. And I was privileged to serve as Deputy Director during a particularly tough time.
For the last year and a half, my family and I have been the targets of an unrelenting assault on our reputation and my service to this country. Articles too numerous to count have leveled every sort of false, defamatory and degrading allegation against us. The President’s tweets have amplified and exacerbated it all. He called for my firing. He called for me to be stripped of my pension after more than 20 years of service. And all along we have said nothing, never wanting to distract from the mission of the FBI by addressing the lies told and repeated about us.

No more.

The investigation by the Justice Department’s Office of Inspector General (OIG) has to be understood in the context of the attacks on my credibility. The investigation flows from my attempt to explain the FBI’s involvement and my supervision of investigations involving Hillary Clinton. I was being portrayed in the media over and over as a political partisan, accused of closing down investigations under political pressure. The FBI was portrayed as caving under that pressure, and making decisions for political rather than law enforcement purposes. Nothing was further from the truth. In fact, this entire investigation stems from my efforts, fully authorized under FBI rules, to set the record straight on behalf of the Bureau, and to make clear that we were continuing an investigation that people in DOJ opposed.

The OIG investigation has focused on information I chose to share with a reporter through my public affairs officer and a legal counselor. As Deputy Director, I was one of only a few people who had the authority to do that. It was not a secret, it took place over several days, and others, including the Director, were aware of the interaction with the reporter. It was the type of exchange with the media that the Deputy Director oversees several times per week. In fact, it was the same type of work that I continued to do under Director Wray, at his request. The investigation subsequently focused on who I talked to, when I talked to them, and so forth. During these inquiries, I answered questions truthfully and as accurately as I could amidst the chaos that surrounded me. And when I thought my answers were misunderstood, I contacted investigators to correct them.

But looking at that in isolation completely misses the big picture. The big picture is a tale of what can happen when law enforcement is politicized, public servants are attacked, and people who are supposed to cherish and protect our institutions become instruments for damaging those institutions and people.

Here is the reality: I am being singled out and treated this way because of the role I played, the actions I took, and the events I witnessed in the aftermath of the firing of James Comey. The release of this report was accelerated only after my testimony to the House Intelligence Committee revealed that I would corroborate former Director Comey’s accounts of his discussions with the President. The OIG’s focus on me and this report became a part of an unprecedented effort by the Administration, driven by the President himself, to remove me from my position, destroy my reputation, and possibly strip me of a pension that I worked 21 years to earn. The accelerated release of the report, and the punitive actions taken in response, make sense only when viewed through this lens. Thursday’s comments from the White House are just the latest example of this.

This attack on my credibility is one part of a larger effort not just to slander me personally, but to taint the FBI, law enforcement, and intelligence professionals more generally. It is part of this Administration’s ongoing war on the FBI and the efforts of the Special Counsel investigation, which continue to this day. Their persistence in this campaign only highlights the importance of the Special Counsel’s work.

I have always prided myself on serving my country with distinction and integrity, and I always encouraged those around me to do the same. Just ask them. To have my career end in this way, and to be accused of lacking candor when at worst I was distracted in the midst of chaotic events, is incredibly disappointing and unfair. But it will not erase the important work I was privileged to be a part of, the results of which will in the end be revealed for the country to see.

I have unfailing faith in the men and women of the FBI and I am confident that their efforts to seek justice will not be deterred.

THANK YOU ANDREW McCABE

judgement of the moon and the stars
joni mitchell

No tongue in the bell
And the fishwives yell
But they might as well be mute
So you get to keep the pictures
That don’t seem like much
Cold white keys under your fingers
Now you’re thinking
“That’s no substitute
It just don’t do it
Like the song of a warm warm body
Loving your touch”

In the court they carve your legend
With an apple in its jaw
And the women that you wanted
They get their laughs
Long silk stockings
On the bedposts of refinement
You’re too raw
They think you’re too raw
It’s the judgement of the moon and stars
Your solitary path
Draw yourself a bath
Think what you’d like to have
For supper
Or take a walk
A park
A bridge
A tree
A river
Revoked but not yet cancelled
The gift goes on
In silence
In a bell jar
Still a song