i saw 4 cops – security i thought
well dressed
jovial – handsome – “yo rosie”
“wasssup men” my common reply

we walk toward one of the quiet booths
behind the stairway
i am tired
this is the first time i have been out

out of bed really – to be honest
since the debate
i have been sleeping a lot
depression clings to me

it’s hard to walk
to shower
to try
to care

i see a couple
sitting close together
in a small corner booth
directly across from me

i watch them
stunned by her face
and his calming charm
they were definitely a THEY

obvious for all to see
oblivious to all seeing them
love works like this
i thought

two
so connected
alone together
in a crowded corner

“that is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen”
i say aloud to dana
she turns to look – turns back at me
“that’s ivanka”

can’t be i said
no it can’t be
it is –
she reassures me

what r the chances i say to myself
as dana walked to the hostess station to ask
i stared at the young couple
as they ate – unaware

i was captivated by her beauty
it blinded me so
i didn’t realize it was even her
til dana walked back to the table –

nodding slowly
yes
she said
it was

dear god
i prayed
guide me
out of here

we stood to move to another table
but i knew i could not stay
my heart i worried
would break again

it did 4 years ago
i won’t survive another one
change ur life
is the prescription

i walked the 5 steps toward her table
introduced myself
she smiled genuinely
her husband was warm and gracious

i told her of my children
some truths about myself
my pain and shame
she was absurdly kind

“i just wanted u to know”
i said in a shaky quiet voice
i then made my way down the large wooden stairway
into my waiting car

the entire encounter
start to finish
was 4 minutes
max

i wrote a book once
about bashert
the concept of
meant to be

it has comforted me
on my darkest days
when my inner voices scream
u deserved it

as her father has
same as my own